As we send our kids back to college in these unparalleled times, we must expect some rocky beginnings. The transition to on-line learning, the lack of social interaction, and the missing out of professor-student relationships are all things that contribute to a thriving college experience (among others). With this new kind of temporary "normal", parents and students, alike, can manage the emotions that accompany the changes. 

Parents, we are not new to feeling overwhelmed. We are guilty of falling victim to the circumstances of Covid, especially around the chaos of sending our kids back to college. We speak negatively. We blame the universities. We complain about the money involved for the quality of education. We display feeling exhausted with having to make decisions. We exemplify handling our emotions in all the wrong ways. We are caught in the whirl wind of COVID, in more ways than one.

But, when our students call with concerns, complaints, sadness, and feelings of helplessness, we sometimes feel like we do not have the emotional resources to lend them. This is where things can get better!

Our kids need us. And, we are responsible for and capable of supporting them. Period. Nineteen or twenty-three. It does not  matter. Every human needs validation, encouragement and modeled resilience. 

Our students have lived with uncertainty for months now. They are literally living day to day (some, on edge) with announcements, changes, and the need to adjust on-the-fly. In addition, they have felt our incertitude for months. After all, we have been struggling with some of the same feelings - sadness, conflicted, helpless, anger, disappointment. Whether we acknowledge it or not, our kids feel our struggles too, and, this is not fair to them as they give everything they have to focus and succeed during this strangeness.

They need more from us.

Our kids need us to speak statements of hope. They need to hear positivity in our voices. They need our encouragement to figure this out on their own (because every other student at every other university is having to do the same). They need us to laugh. They need us to simply ask "How can I help?". Our kids need support and strength from home.

This will be the most powerful motivator in terms of how they maneuver through Fall semester than anything else. 

Use the mirror effect (and it is never too late to practice this). Pretend your student is looking into a mirror for some type of positive encouragement and motivation. What would the mirror say to your child? Perhaps - "I know this is one of the toughest situations you will ever be in, but you are all in it together. Talk to your hall mates. I bet they feel the same way." Or maybe - "I am sure your professors will be understanding." "The cafeteria people are having a hard time figuring this out and I bet they will somehow reimburse us for lost meals. Do not worry about this. Let us figure out how you can get food and we will work with the Bursar Office later." Or, simply- "What can I do to help you feel more secure right now?"

Our students do not need to struggle emotionally. We can help them by reminding ourselves.

We can bypass our own feelings about this semester, this YEAR, and this situation to help our students thrive. We are adults who can regulate our feelings. Our students may still be learning this skill and it is our job to help them develop resiliency and acceptance. Life as we all know it is full of disappointments, highs and lows, and unexpected changes. How we model managing LIFE is the truest indicator of how our kids will manage life.

Remember, you are the mirror.
​





​

I had a consult this week with a student who is overwhelmed. He is preoccupied with the announcement of where he will continue college this fall (home versus on campus). The unknown of what his (immediate) future looks like is causing him so much anxiety that he is having difficulty making daily decisions. He is not interested in many activities, his self-care is poor, and he describes constant worry. His main worry is that he will fail more classes because he "does not do well learning online." 

This student is proactively seeking guidance with figuring out how to manage his current stress and is aware that by August he will not need to worry. He is under the care of other professionals but was curious how a professional stress coach could help him. 

Since the exploration call is limited to thirty minutes I did a great deal of listening. This student has significant insight and is expressive about his emotions. He failed some courses last semester and is still reeling himself back in (GPA) as he prepares for a successful semester (2020). He is self-aware enough to know he wants to do better, and recognizes his struggles around remote learning. He is curious about effective stress management strategies for both now and later. 

When I come out of exploration calls with prospective clients, I always take a few minutes to reflect on how I can help the student and what specific gain they would receive with coaching. In this case, a professional coach can help the student identify the things he can control today (Circle of Influence - Steven Covey). A coach can help him learn the science behind the stress (fight or flight, adrenal functioning, mindfulness techniques) and how to stay on top of its daily (hourly) impact. And, a stress coach can help the student develop tools (both mentally and physically) that help the thoughts causing the emotions (anxious, scared, overwhelmed) which, in turn, is causing the behaviors (worrying, poor self-care, isolating from interests). Basic CBT. Even with the admission of executive function weaknesses (focus and concentration struggles with online learning), a coach can help the student set in place specific methods and practices for these concerns.

This student's worries are MANY students worries at this time in space. There are many college and high school students caught in the pendulum of campus learning or distance learning. As we are all aware, this is life right now. 

The ability to adapt, bounce back, and cope in these circumstance are the factors that will determine success. Students are being asked to flexible when they are unsure how. They are being asked to be patient when waiting is causing the inability to plan and prioritize. They are being asked to understand when they are still learning to understand all that is involved with college life. A great deal of uncertainty is present and causing much anxiety and overwhelm.

When a student can go to college feeling their best, they achieve. They make friends, study hard, ask for help, set personal boundaries, and start thinking about their future. After all, THIS is what college is for, right. In order to "feel your best", there are some things that need to be checked, assessed, evaluated, and adjusted.

Does the student have a strong sense of self? Is their self-esteem healthy? Do there values lead their actions? Can they manage fragile emotional states, like loneliness? Can they prioritize their wellness? Can they manage their academic path forward - do they have an academic vision and can they forward think how to put action with the vision? Do they know the difference between "urgent" and "important"? How well do they function under pressure and respond to multiple deadlines? Do they know how to relax and balance life as a student? What does "balance" even mean? Can they recognize unhealthy situations? Can they correct faulty thinking? Can they reset unhelpful and unhealthy habits? Do they know the difference between stress and anxiety? 

​

After five years of working exclusively with college students on stress management and anxiety "control", themes become noticeable. Believe it or not, these themes stand true from season to season and year to year. For instance, around August freshmen leaving for college start to panic. The stress is something they have never felt. Around October each year, the overwhelm of managing mid-terms is...overwhelming. Students have never had to manage academics at the collegiate level, in conjunction with maintaining wellness necessities (sleep, diet, relaxation, exercise), executing daily skills like managing distractions, prioritizing and forward thinking, deciding social priorities, all while missing family.

One theme that has remained constant in my practice (albeit not EVERY client struggles) is the challenge of feeling self-confident at all times in all situations. Feeling self- confidence and possessing self-esteem.


Are these two "self-entities" the same thing?  Can you be "full" of one, and lack in the other?

Let's start with self-esteem.

Self-esteem is the act of or how you value your self. It is how happy you are with yourself (not your abilities). Self-esteem is the degree to which you respect yourself, trust yourself and to a certain extent, love yourself. 

Having deep levels or self-doubt, self-worth, and self- limits is proof that your self-esteem is suffering, challenged, compromised or low. This often looks and feels like overthink, perfectionism, avoidance, hyper-criticism, a sense of failure, irritability, depression, anger, afraid, hesitancy, uncertain and a sense of overwhelm, mentally.

Self-esteem is the foundation to building self-confidence. 

Self-confidence is a skill, not a personality trait. It is not fixed or constant, and often depends on what situation you might be in.

By definition, self-confidence is your thoughts about your abilities. How capable you feel about navigating yourself in this world. When compromised or in need of development, low self-confidence looks like negative think, mental chaos, thoughts about being flawed and incapable, and feeling exaggerated shortcomings about yourself. If your self-confidence is low, you might downplay or hide your positive attributes and accomplishments. You might under appreciate the good in your life. You might question or not believe your good qualities.

So, there is a distinct difference between self-confidence and self-esteem. While the two co-exist, you can be missing self-esteem yet feel confident about an ability such as maybe how well you can draw. Drawing charcoal portraits may be one area of life where your confidence resides. Other feelings of failure or self-acceptance may be challenging enough that you hesitate to engage in other areas outside of drawing, like... sharing in a relationship, or admitting to feeling sad, or making unhealthy choices in life situations, or feeling "not as good as". 

There are all kinds of ways that low self-esteem can manifest itself, and you know when you feel lousy about YOU. You know when you feel inadequate, unworthy, shameful. The most powerful thing to acknowledge is that...

No one feels confident and at the top of the esteem game one hundred percent of the           time. It is impossible for humans to walk through every day feeling comfortable with every aspect of their existence. 

When, however, you practice self-love, acknowledge that your belief system about yourself may be flawed, and actually learn that emotions can teach you about yourself and not devalue you, you begin to extend yourself in what used to feel like risky situations (going to a restaurant alone, making eye contact with the young lady, asking a group of friends to tag along). Self-esteem is an emergence. It happens when you practice self-awareness and trust your emotions to guide you, not hurt you.

Helping students understand the slight discrepancy between self-confidence and self-esteem is a tool used that jump starts the process of self-acceptance. You CAN have one without the other!  Helping students acknowledge skewed perceptions of themselves and tap into their inner guidance system (intuition) is powerful in their journey to growing "the self".

Here are a few ways to do some solo work and begin to accept the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem

1. Judgement - know when to trust your judgement about yourself and life in general. Listen to that strong voice of intuition. When your judgement is trusted and sound, you feel more confident to try new things, accept life as it is, make decisions, follow your inner guidance.
2. Comfort - start feeling comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. Sounds strange, right? This involves some self-speak. Remind yourself you are capable, willing, and able. Trust yourself. Accept that you can meet your own emotional needs.
3. Patience - go easy on yourself when you feel lesser than, incapable of, or ashamed.  Be sensitive and caring. Go back to "square one" and decide for yourself what you truly value - what guides your responses, actions, choices, and decisions in life. Develop those values to be your guiding principles in life.
4. Needs - figure out what you really need. What do you need that you are not getting? Once this becomes clear, decide how you (with help if you need from others) will give to yourself, just as you would give to another person you care deeply about. 
5. Acceptance - start accepting you for YOU. You do not fit into any category - good, bad, or ugly. You are simply...you. You are flawed and fall short, but you try and sometimes succeed. You make mistakes but have good intentions. You chose to behave a certain way but know there are "better choices" - no shame attached.

Get to know who you are at you core. Accept yourself without judgement. Spend time alone nourishing your deep needs. Decide what things you really like about yourself and build upon these. Lean into more positivity and less negative think, outside pressures, and triggers of failure. Know that building self-esteem is a process that enables you to feel confident in yourself and your abilities.

You are at the end of an unusually stressful semester. Spring semester 2020. You will still be talking about these past few months when you are eighty years old. There is no disputing the fact that you have experienced high stress this semester.

Now that finals are here and you are preparing to display how hard you have worked, you may still be experiencing feelings of fear, failure, and overwhelm. At a time when you should be feeling some excitement about the end of a school year, your body and mind are most likely still in an active stress response, in part from your response to Covid-19.

You may find yourself feeling more worried than normal, maybe more anxious than normal, and perhaps more overwhelmed.

Now is the time to become aware of your stress so you can manage and regulate stress levels during exam week (Think: Scale 0-10).  You will want to maximize your study efforts with smart planning and organization, a clean mental space, and ramped up wellness practices.

Keep in mind that a little healthy stress (eustress) around exam time is needed. You would not be productive or prepared if you did not feel a little angst in the next few weeks. Note that these feelings will disappear once your exams are over.

Stressing too much about final exams is what you are trying to prevent because raising the level of panic and letting false thoughts about yourself and your efforts during this time serves zero purpose. In fact, allowing yourself to believe that you are not prepared, that you do not really care, or that you are going to fail any way only gives more strength to the already absorbed stress.

Take some time to STOP what you are doing and let those negative thoughts pass through you. Let them exist (do not try to avoid, deny, or ignore them). Let them make their appearance, BUT, do not attach your feeling to the thoughts. They are simply thoughts. Let them be. And, watch them go.

Now, really focus and become aware of what you can do at this very moment to move through this next week with less of an impact of stressful thoughts. This might look like changing your nutritional habits, making a new study schedule, or planning out the next ninety-six hours to the minute with charts, timers, mind maps, or flow charts
If the reality is that you are going to fail a class, that there is no salvation, then move to the next class that gives you the most stress and begin to organize a study schedule and make a study plan (FREE TIPS offered on IG @studentsstresslesscoach), and focus with intention.

Here are TEN physical and mental strategies to help you monitor stress so that it does not interfere with your studying:

1.  When you feel yourself getting tense or experiencing some type of physical manifestation of stress, stop and direct your thoughts to what is happening in your immediate environment. What do you see? What can you smell? What can you touch? Rub your hands together to feel your own skin. This technique is an effective strategy called STOP (Stop, Take a breath, Observe, Proceed).
Really ground yourself while you practice being present.
https://www.mindful.org/stressing-out-stop/
http://cogbtherapy.com/mindfulness-meditation-blog/mindfulness-stop-skill

2.  Several times a day stretch and breathe. Incorporate “4-7-8” or "square breathing". You can do this wherever you are.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRPh_GaiL8s.
https://www.healthline.com/health/box-breathing#getting-started

3. Seek out or start a conversation with someone. Talking can release ruminated thoughts about failing or fear of being unprepared. Let others support you.

4. Administer self-massage to your face, neck, shoulders arms and hands. Or, apply "third eye" acupressure to the middle of your forehead. (https://www.powerofpositivity.com/heres-happens-massage-point-forehead/.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nf76rIzMj5Q.

5. Regain a feeling of control over your situation by reframing your thoughts. Instead of thinking "I'm so mad I left this until the last minute.", slowly move your thoughts to what one action step you can take to make you feel in control of studying the material. There is always an upside to most things in life. It is up to you to take your mind to that place.

6. It is never too late. Never too late to try a new way to study. Never too late to take a quick nap to rejuvenate your brain. Never too late to email the TA. Never too late to try again. Never too late to plan.

7. Accept what is. If you have backed yourself into a corner in a particular class by not attending class, not working harder to bring up a failing grade, not keeping up with assignments, accept your current situation but trade the blame and shame for a more positive acceptance like "this is my eye opener", or "this is a touch lesson". We all learn from our experiences. Use your current situation as motivation to do better at something else.

8. Avoid or monitor caffeine, alcohol, sugar, and sugar drinks including smoothies and energy drinks. You want to maximize the quality of your sleep.

9.  Move your body. This can be vigorously or gently. Or, incorporate some of both. The idea is to give your brain a break and your body some love.

10. Believe in yourself. Think of all you had to do to even get to college. Remind yourself of your successes along the way. Life is about "wins and losses", mistakes and lessons. Mostly working through stress in life is about exercising the skill of being resilient. Part of being resilient is accepting what is, loving yourself, and knowing that your college life is only one part of your life experience. 

It appears college students across the country are making this new normal seem easy during these unsettling times. Adjustments are being made. Distance learning is going well. Projects are continuing. And professors who may have been new to total online teaching are now seasoned. The semester rolls on.

This week, I learned from my neighbor who is a professor that as she was recently remote teaching a science related course to her forty-three students at a Florida college, the internet went out during the course. She is a dental hygiene professor and the computer has always played a minimal role in her teaching students…until now. Learning how to implement distance learning tools to teach a practical course and have the internet fail in doing so has required many extra hours of her time and some ingenuity she forgot she had. Despite figuring out these details, she is still unsure how her students will finish clinicals.

On one hand, it seems unimaginable how students and professors all over the world have figured out how to make “this thing” work. Quick adjustments, communication, and a bit of extra effort are just a few of the actions that have squashed panic in academia. Students have remained glued to their computers since they were asked to move home. They have rearranged schedules and set up classrooms at home. They have reached out to peers and found comfort in knowing they are all in this together. They have allowed themselves to feel sad, sentimental, and even angry, but there is one thing they have not done.

Folded. Given up. Or, quit.

For parents, despite how positive and confident we are trying to be, it can be said that we are perhaps the ones who have not adjusted as well. We are trying to make sense of the instant chaos and create some sense of order as the entire household finds a balance. In addition, we are not only experiencing a level of worry that is intense and extensive, but we still feel somewhat in charge of our students’ uncertainty during this pandemic. As parents, we are absorbing another layer of worry in this process.

Our college children are making things happen though. They are picking up the pieces and completing the puzzle. They are using and strengthening their executive function skills, particularly mental flexibility and emotional regulation, to persevere.
“Executive function is the ability to organize and manage our thoughts, actions, and emotions in order to initiate, sustain, and complete a task.” https://www.growinghandsonkids.com/executive-functioning-skills.html

And, our students are sparing us their worries because they recognize their own ability to succeed during this crisis.
When a student can dig deep and rely on themselves in times of change, stress and uncertainty, they feel successful. Each small success, whether it is an emotional win, an academic win, or a social win of some type, builds upon itself.  They gain competence and confidence as they overcome, problem solve, and take risks.  

For instance, the senior college student who had a “melt down” over not being to walk in graduation ceremonies in May is working to accept that global health and safety are paramount. This same student is relying on hope that there will be a future ceremony and has turned attention on finishing the semester strongly. The architecture student whose entire junior semester is spent in the architecture studio completing a semester project, is trusting that their professor will guide them to completion. And, the music major who was in the middle of a huge campus and community (graded) musical production has had to adjust to an alternate assignment.

One of the things I help students assess (as their personal stress coach) is how they adapt to stressful situations. How resilient are they during the many times in life they are faced with difficulty?
​
Resiliency is many things. Resiliency is the ability to overcome. It is a skill that can be both learned and practiced as tribulations occur. Think lemons and lemonade. Think elastic. Think silly putty. Resiliency is about how well you bounce back. Other qualities of being resilient: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/resilience

1. Able to recover quickly
2. Flexible
3. Hard to keep suppressed or compressed
4. Persistent
5. Able to overcome obstacles
6. Taking risks and failing
7. Pushing through discomfort
8. Embracing mistakes
9. Relying on emotional intelligence in times of despair.https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-intelligence

As students begin to recognize they have control of their emotions and their actions in stressful situations, they begin to trust in their ability to handle life. As they build these resiliency skills through trial and error and feel successful, they begin to trust their problem-solving abilities. More attempts are made. More risks are taken. And students recognize that even though failing is an option, it is not their demise.  
 
Ten Ways Parents Can Help Their College Student Build Resiliency:

1. Don’t let your worry become their worry –Worry in response to chaos is a natural response. Everyone deals differently. Model resiliency so your student doesn’t get an extra dose of worry.
2. Acknowledge difficulty – Young adults still crave support and structure. Provide emotional support and practical support in any way possible.
3. Encourage self-sustainability – As hard as it is, don’t solve this major life disruption for them. They are capable. Acknowledge their success thus far and list the things they have done successfully in the transition to tele-learning.
4. Be available – This is a standard. Even the students who are not displaying adjustment struggles still need your presence, maybe even more than normal.
5. Invite – Invite your student to join you in fun. Making dinner. Baking. Taking a walk. Playing a board game. Scavenger hunt. Exercise challenge.
6. Learn – Connect with your student and learn what they are thinking. What thoughts are occupying their brains about finishing the semester, missing their friends or questioning the future.
7. Small things – Help them with small things like laundry or finances in this temporary situation. Let them see your willingness and desire to help ease small worries.
8. Remind – Remind them time and again that this is a temporary situation and assure them they are doing well through the derailment.
9. Loosen your focus – Usually as parents we are concerned more about the end result (grades) than the process because we want our students to figure things out on their own, but in this instance it might be beneficial to guide them in the process, at least temporarily.
10. Promote optimism and positivity – This approach lessens fears and displays hope during unprecedented times.

https://www.psycom.net/build-resilience-children
​

Suffice it to say most students are not familiar with the job of a professional life coach. Sure, students know the role of therapists, counselors, and psychotherapists. Many of my clients are also receiving services and therapies from a licensed and credentialed medical provider. But professional coaching is somewhat of a mystery.

Professional life coaching is a unique and dynamic field of self-development and growth. It does not involve diagnosis, treatment or any type of "fixing". It does not involve a pathology. It involves and works beautifully when coach and student form an accountability partnership.

Life coaching is a co-creative process in which the coach does not need to know more than the client. We begin work where ever the client presents on any given day. If the student is having trouble making it to class or completing assignment, we trace back a few steps. We investigate. We couple in a way that the coach guides the student to discover the most effective steps to take in order to move the client forward. 

When I receive the free consult call from parents, one of my standard questions to parents is, "Is professional coaching something your student wants?" I also ask parents at this first point of contact, "Does your student know you are contacting me?" If the answer is "no", I explain the premise for professional stress coaching and that the student client should initiate some type of desire to grow, change, and overcome. If the answer to the two questions is "yes", I ask the parent to have their student "research" me to learn more about the process of coaching.

So what exactly is professional life coaching? Why do I use the terms "professional stress coaching" and "professional stress coaching" interchangeably?

Coaching for "life" encompasses every area of life that effects you on a daily basis. Since our ultimate goal in life is balance and to thrive, we should strive to nurture every area: finances, social, spiritual, physical, emotional and mental. Life coaching is a mechanism for change and growth within the area of life in which you are struggling or in which you want to enhance.

Imagine feeling "stuck", "lost", and "held back" by something. You're not able to identify what is binding you. All you know is that you feel overwhelmed, anxious, stressed to the max, and unable to sleep. You know the consequences of this "dark cloud" but you can't seem to dissipate it on your own. Each day you feel some effect from the blockage.

​As a coach, I partner with you to figure this out. It's a lot like a scavenger hunt (with clues). You have the clues within you, and I guide you to each "treasure" by asking powerful and insightful questions. You reveal the answers to yourself as I help you reach the treasure.

The coaching process can be difficult because you will be faced to acknowledge things that might be painful or that scare you. Coaching can also be fun because we never assume something is "wrong" with you. We assume you have all the answers within you but that you're unsure of how to read your own clue.

A life coach can specialize in one part of life struggle. Some coaches specialize in personal development. Some are experts in health and wellness. Some are leaders in the field of ADHD or marriage.

A professional stress coach, like me, is an expert on how to manage stress. A stress coach for students knows the challenges and struggles of high school students and college students and navigates them through all kinds of barriers like academic stress, procrastination, time management, social anxiety, and a looming sense of failure.

Together, we do a lot of exploration in the scavenger hunt of self-awareness, self-esteem, core sense of self, values, strengths and weaknesses of executive functioning, attention to proper wellness practices, and whatever else your clues unveil. Our goal is to help you succeed...on every level, and to thrive again.

More than 60 percent of college students said they had experienced “overwhelming anxiety” in the past year, according to a 2018 report from the American College Health Association. Over 40 percent said they felt so depressed they had difficulty functioning. Social, financial, emotional, physical, and academic issues all cause students to feel overwhelmed.

We actively collaborate to identify goals, obstacles and problematic behaviors. We create proper steps for you overcome and achieve. Then, we design an effective stress management plan for you to feel your best. We even throw in a science lesson so that you know what your brain and body are doing as you feel scattered, unmotivated, anxious, and like you may not succeed.

Now, for how the process works.

We consult for thirty minutes for FREE.
You ask questions and talk. I listen.
YOU decide if I am a good partner for you.
Do you feel comfortable? Do you trust my guidance? 
I encourage you to research me on a professional level - LinkedIn, www.studentsstressless.com, all social media.
If you decide on stress management services, you pay, sign a working contract, answer some initial session question.
We get started, remotely or local for Kansas.
We decide on Skype, Zoom, Google Chatroom, Face Time or phone.
I offer two initial sessions to make sure you are going to stay accountable in the process and your parents don't spend more money than you are personally investing yourself.
You then are highly encouraged to sign for four more sessions.

NOTE: You not find another professional coach who operates in this manner. I believe change and desired results can happen in as few as six sessions. 

You decide the days and times.
We get started on discovering your HOW.
How will you move forward?
How will you achieve your goals?
How will you feel better?
How will you change your thoughts?
How will change your habits?
How will you develop more effective stress management tools?
How will you succeed in school?
How will you succeed in your personal life?
HOW WILL YOU THRIVE.

Disclaimer: I work in an ancillary fashion to medical professionals. I am not a licensed therapist. I am not a medical professional. I am not, through this article, stating one mode of client/professional work is better than the other.

​ The world around us seems full of chaos and uncertainty right now. We have all been turned for a flip and called to make immediate changes in our lives. College students across the nation have been asked to move off campuses with little notice, putting families in major adjustment mode. So many questions. So few answers.

The two main common denominators, however, are health and safety and academic success. So how can students navigate these unexpected changes and still end this semester with success?

Believe - Believe your university and professors want the best for you. They are issued new guidelines and protocol that will ensure your academic success. No professor or college administrator wants a community health crisis on campus. This is their worst nightmare. Redesigning class structure has not been easy for them, especially in the time frame they were given. So one of the best things you can do as a student is to take your new online learning life seriously so you can finish strongly.

Attend - Every day, show up to your computer in the same fashion that you would attend class in person. Stay on top of and ahead of assignments and projects. Plan forwards for eight more weeks. Maintain your momentum by situating yourself in front of your lap top every day.

Momentum and motivation- Just because a change has occurred mid-semester does not mean you have to stop your flow. Adjust your rhythm and keep moving along in your classes. Interrupting what you had going, panicking or stressing will only set you back as you try to finish the semester with success. Incorporate inner motivation, self-discipline, and guide yourself with the will to persevere.

Self- regulate - Self-regulatory skills are a set of skills you practice that help you rebound, persist, and recover. These are all skills that help you thrive in most life situations. To regulate yourself as a college student who has been asked to shift gears mentally, academically and emotionally, first, be aware of how you think about the situation. Then, adjust your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to help you adapt to your new temporary normal. Respond with grace, patience, and understanding. This was not a planned or intentional act - the spread of COVID-19.

Plan- If you have never planned before as a college student and you've managed to "wing it", now is the time to execute your best planning faculties. Your days for the remainder of the semester will be designed differently because of the switch to online learning, so it is your responsibility to plan accordingly. The best mantra for this is: "work before play".

Communicate - Communication skills are a must for the remainder of the school year. Most college students have taken at least one online course by the time sophomore year rolls around and know how critical it is to understand the class expectations: deadlines, dialogue and dates. The 3 Ds. In addition, pay close attention to peer communication when projects are involved.

Accountability - Everyone is in "survival mode", simply trying to adjust to a national health crisis. Life as you know it has leveled up to a temporary position where you are one hundred percent responsible for your grades and completed assignments without the normal in person and in class reminders. This is a change that will require your attention every day. Stay aware. Yes, things have happened suddenly, but you can keep yourself accountable for eight more weeks. If you need a checks and balance system, ask for help, reminders and encouragement.

Distractions - Changing your work environment will be stressful mainly because your rhythm was interrupted. Now you must adjust to a new space and a new set of distractions. Your daily schedule will be different as you make new accommodations. Be aware of the things in your new workspace that will distract you - siblings, new family routine, pets, noises, more devices. It is critical to your success that you keep your mental space clear of distractions. Incorporate structure now.

Time Management - This is perhaps the most important skill to put into practice as you shift your learning modality to online classes. If you are someone who relies on the structure of going to class and learn best audibly, you will be challenged. Pay attention to every minute of your day so your work gets completed on time. Plan and accept that this is one component you have control of - how you most effectively use your time. Use a visible calendar, sticky notes, alarms, and white boards as reminders.

Mindful completion - Even with chaos around you, you have control of your situation and one goal: to complete the semester. Your circle of influence, the things in life that you can control, will help guide you out of undue stress. Acknowledge what you have control over and what you don't have control over, and be mindful of the importance of your health, safety, and success. Stay mindfully aware of the reason you are in college in the first place, knowing that all things work out when you are flexible, forgiving, and determined. You will complete this semester with ease when you keep the big picture in mind.

As humans you are designed to respond to threats and COVID-19 is the current immediate threat. You can fight it or flight it. As a busy college student who wants nothing more than to see this thing through, how you perceive and react to this threat will determine your level of stress and your degree of success (an A or a D; a complete or an incomplete). The worse step you could take at this point in time is to panic and start thinking negative, self-sabotaging thoughts. This would be a counterproductive response and would interfere with any momentum you had going prior to the sudden shift. At the end of the day, your safety and health are paramount to your grades. Stay mindful of the big picture and keep the momentum going.

​10 Ways for College Students to Navigate Unexpected Changes This Semester and Still Succeed Through COVID-19
 
The world around us seems full of chaos and uncertainty right now. We have all been turned for a flip and called to make immediate changes in our lives. College students across the nation have been asked to move off campuses with little notice, putting families in major adjustment mode. So many questions. So few answers. The two main common denominators, however, are health and safety and academic success.

So how can students navigate these unexpected changes and still end this semester with success?

Believe - Believe your university and professors want the best for you. They are issued new guidelines and protocol that will ensure your academic success. No professor or college administrator wants a community health crisis on campus. This is their worst nightmare. Redesigning class structure has not been easy for them, especially in the time frame they were given. So one of the best things you can do as a student is to take your new online learning life seriously so you can finish strongly.

​Attend - Every day, show up to your computer in the same fashion that you would attend class in person. Stay on top of and ahead of assignments and projects. Plan forwards for eight more weeks. Maintain your momentum by situating yourself in front of your lap top every day.

Momentum and motivation- Just because a change has occurred mid-semester does not mean you have to stop your flow. Adjust your rhythm and keep moving along in your classes. Interrupting what you had going, panicking or stressing will only set you back as you try to finish the semester with success. Incorporate inner motivation, self-discipline, and guide yourself with the will to persevere.

Self- regulate - Self-regulatory skills are a set of skills you practice that help you rebound, persist, and recover. These are all skills that help you thrive in most life situations. To regulate yourself as a college student who has been asked to shift gears mentally, academically and emotionally, first, be aware of how you think about the situation. Then, adjust your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to help you adapt to your new temporary normal. Respond with grace, patience, and understanding. This was not a planned or intentional act - the spread of COVID-19.

Plan- If you have never planned before as a college student and you've managed to "wing it", now is the time to execute your best planning faculties. Your days for the remainder of the semester will be designed differently because of the switch to online learning, so it is your responsibility to plan accordingly. The best mantra for this is: "work before play".

Communicate - Communication skills are a must for the remainder of the school year. Most college students have taken at least one online course by the time sophomore year rolls around and know how critical it is to understand the class expectations: deadlines, dialogue and dates. The 3 Ds. In addition, pay close attention to peer communication when projects are involved.

Accountability - Everyone is in "survival mode", simply trying to adjust to a national health crisis. Life as you know it has leveled up to a temporary position where you are one hundred percent responsible for your grades and completed assignments without the normal in person and in class reminders. This is a change that will require your attention every day. Stay aware. Yes, things have happened suddenly, but you can keep yourself accountable for eight more weeks. If you need a checks and balance system, ask for help, reminders and encouragement.

Distractions - Changing your work environment will be stressful mainly because your rhythm was interrupted. Now you must adjust to a new space and a new set of distractions. Your daily schedule will be different as you make new accommodations. Be aware of the things in your new workspace that will distract you - siblings, new family routine, pets, noises, more devices. It is critical to your success that you keep your mental space clear of distractions. Incorporate structure now.

Time Management - This is perhaps the most important skill to put into practice as you shift your learning modality to online classes. If you are someone who relies on the structure of going to class and learn best audibly, you will be challenged. Pay attention to every minute of your day so your work gets completed on time. Plan and accept that this is one component you have control of - how you most effectively use your time. Use a visible calendar, sticky notes, alarms, and white boards as reminders. 

Mindful completion - Even with chaos around you, you have control of your situation and one goal: to complete the semester. Your circle of influence, the things in life that you can control, will help guide you out of undue stress. Acknowledge what you have control over and what you don't have control over, and be mindful of the importance of your health, safety, and success. Stay mindfully aware of the reason you are in college in the first place, knowing that all things work out when you are flexible, forgiving, and determined. You will complete this semester with ease when you keep the big picture in mind.

As humans you are designed to respond to threats and COVID-19 is the current immediate threat. You can fight it or flight it. As a busy college student who wants nothing more than to see this thing through, how you perceive and react to this threat will determine your level of stress and your degree of success (an A or a D; a complete or an incomplete).  The worse step you could take at this point in time is to panic and start thinking negative, self-sabotaging thoughts. This would be a counterproductive response and would interfere with any momentum you had going prior to the sudden shift.

At the end of the day, your safety and health are paramount to your grades. Stay mindful of the big picture and keep the momentum going. 

Lori Bender, MSW, CTP, CMHFA, CMT
Professional Stress Coach
Founder of Students Stress Less Coaching, LLC
 
As human beings we react to crises with emotions at times. The explanation is quite clear when we understand what is occurring in our brains and bodies as we feel like the world closing in on us.

It is not a mistake when we respond to crises with meltdowns, high anxiety, stress, arguments, and blame. Our brains and bodies are designed to respond to threats we perceive from the world around us.

The Science Behind the Flip Outs
 
Our reactions and responses begin with our senses, yes, the ones you learned about in elementary school. It is this simple elementary science lesson that lays the foundation for most of my stress management coaching.

Our five senses take in information from our environment and when any of the five (except nose for some reason) perceive something as a threat (Think: COVID-19), our brain is signaled. It starts dispersing information about the threat the part of the brain that is involved in thinking, reasoning, and emotion regulation – our cortex.

Now normally, when we perceive something as threatening (another example: jump out of the way of an oncoming car), in order to live, we respond with reason and logic (JUMP!). Our cortex is responsible for helping us reason and use logic and rationale.

Sometimes, however, the threats bypass this thinking center of the brain (cortex) and head to the emotional part of the brain (amygdala). This little bugger works hard and fast to keep us safe. It can even kidnap and deactivate our thinking and make us “unthink”. All conscious control of think responses leaves.

Because the amygdala is home of our fears and keeps a record of how we have responded to fear in the past, our fear responses can be triggered and activated. When our fear response if somehow triggered, the amygdala does what it does best – protects us!

More on the Amygdala

Because if you experience anxiety on the regular you will want to know about this almond shaped brain part

The amygdala is old as dirt, but it loves us and wants to protect us with everything is has. In fact, it is so protective of us that when it receives threatening signals, it creates this amazing hormonal wall (adrenaline: epinephrine, norepinephrine) that impedes the penetration of logic and reason. Notably, this is when we might hear someone say, “I just can’t think straight.”

There is a scientific reason why!

Physical sensations of this hormonal flood may include shortness of breath, rapid heart rate, heavy chest and sweating. It’s what our bodies need to do at this time of threat to keep us alive. These symptoms prepare us for that fight or flight.
There are also cognitive responses to the stress and crises that we may not necessarily feel but others may notice: loss of reason, loss of critical thinking, loss of logic, irrational behaviors, quick decisions, slip of the tongue, BLAME, fear, immediate gratification decisions, and cognitive “shut down”.

Why it this?

Less Activity in the Thinking Brain

Well, when there is less activity in the prefrontal cortex of the brain, the part of the brain that monitors emotional urges, raw emotion wins! Don’t forget, logic, intuition, memory, planning, and thinking all reside in the cortex and if it is disabled, our responses are more barbaric in nature - not well-planned or thought out; not imaginative; not creative; not reasonable.
Crises like COVID-19 or other major illness, multiple deaths, a car wreck, a divorce or a lay-off are threats to humans.

When our eyes, ears, fingers, and tongues sense events, situations, thoughts, words or experiences as threatening, we seek safety, protection, reassurance, certainty, and we want answers - the sooner the better. Our amygdala becomes both our “sin and our saint.”

We seek comfort without thinking what we say, without thinking through situations, without waiting, without caring how we hurt others, without compassion, without kindness, without clarity, and without care for future impact. We act on emotion.
Our basic survival tendencies are kicking in.

In times of crises or repeated anxiety, before we blame, accuse, fear, isolate, act out, or do anything illogical to find the answers we are seeking, we need to visualize this science behind our urges.

If you’re really interested beyond this simple explanation, here are some articles:
https://www.unlearninganxiety.com/amygdala
https://www.healthcentral.com/article/pathways-to-anxiety-the-amygdala
http://beforeyoutakethatpill.com/blog/2014/10/27/stress-hormones-and-the-fear-response-in-survival/
​
Fun Fact:
​
Over time, the human cortex undergoes a process of corticalization, or wrinkling of the cortex. This process is due to the vast knowledge that the human brain accumulates over time. Therefore, the more wrinkled your brain, the smarter and more intelligent you are!
https://brainmadesimple.com/cerebral-cortex-and-lobes-of-the-brain/

 
 
 
 

The world around us seems full of chaos and uncertainty right now. We have all been turned for a flip and called to make  immediate changes in our lives. College students across the nation have been asked to move off campuses with little notice, putting families in major adjustment mode. So many questions. So few answers. The two main common denominators, however, are health and safety and academic success.

So how can students navigate these unexpected changes and still end this semester with success?

Believe - Believe your university and professors want the best for you. They are issued new guidelines and protocol that will ensure your academic success. No professor or college administrator wants a community health crisis on campus. This is their worst nightmare. Redesigning class structure has not been easy for them, especially in the time frame they were given. So one of the best things you can do as a student is to take your new online learning life seriously so you can finish strongly.

​Attend - Every day, show up to your computer in the same fashion that you would attend class in person. Stay on top of and ahead of assignments and projects. Plan forwards for eight more weeks. Maintain your momentum by situating yourself in front of your lap top every day.

Momentum and motivation- Just because a change has occurred mid-semester does not mean you have to stop your flow. Adjust your rhythm and keep moving along in your classes. Interrupting what you had going, panicking or stressing will only set you back as you try to finish the semester with success. Incorporate inner motivation, self-discipline, and guide yourself with the will to persevere.

Self- regulate - Self-regulatory skills are a set of skills you practice that help you rebound, persist, and recover. These are all skills that help you thrive in most life situations. To regulate yourself as a college student who has been asked to shift gears mentally, academically and emotionally, first, be aware of how you think about the situation. Then, adjust your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to help you adapt to your new temporary normal. Respond with grace, patience, and understanding. This was not a planned or intentional act - the spread of COVID-19.

Plan- If you have never planned before as a college student and you've managed to "wing it", now is the time to execute your best planning faculties. Your days for the remainder of the semester will be designed differently because of the switch to online learning, so it is your responsibility to plan accordingly. The best mantra for this is : "work before play".

Communicate - Communication skills are a must for the remainder of the school year. Most college students have taken at least one online course by the time sophomore year rolls around and know how critical it is to understand the class expectations: deadlines, dialogue and dates. The 3 Ds. In addition, pay close attention to peer communication when projects are involved.

Accountability - Everyone is in "survival mode", simply trying to adjust to a national health crisis. Life as you know it has leveled up to a temporary position where you are one hundred percent responsible for your grades and completed assignments without the normal in person and in class reminders. This is a change that will require your attention every day. Stay aware. Yes, things have happened suddenly, but you can keep yourself accountable for eight more weeks. If you need a checks and balance system, ask for help, reminders and encouragement.

Distractions - Changing your work environment will be stressful mainly because your rhythm was interrupted. Now you have to adjust to a new space and a new set of distractions. Your daily schedule will be different as you make new accommodations. Be aware of the things in your new work space that will distract you - siblings, new family routine, pets, noises, more devices. It is critical to your success that you keep your mental space clear of distractions. Incorporate structure now.

Time Management - This is perhaps the most important skill to put into practice as you shift your learning modality to online classes. If you are someone who relies on the structure of going to class and learn best audibly, you will be challenged. Pay attention to every minute of your day so your work gets completed on time. Plan ahead and accept that this is one component you have control of - how you most effectively use your time. Use a visible calendar, sticky notes, alarms, and white boards as reminders. 

Mindful completion - Even with chaos around you, you have control of your situation and one goal: to complete the semester. Your circle of influence, the things in life that you can control, will help guide you out of undue stress. Acknowledge what you have control over and what you don't have control over, and be mindful of the importance of your health, safety, and success. Stay mindfully aware of the reason you are in college in the first place, knowing that all things work out when you are flexible, forgiving, and determined. You will complete this semester with ease when you keep the big picture in mind.

As humans you are designed to respond to threats and COVID-19 is the current immediate threat. You can fight it or flight it. As a busy college student who wants nothing more than to see this thing through, how you perceive and react to this threat will determine your level of stress and your degree of success (an A or a D; a complete or an incomplete).  The worse step you college student could take at this point in time is to panic and start thinking negative, self-sabotaging thoughts. This would be a counterproductive response and would interfere with any momentum you had going prior to the sudden shift.

At the end of the day, your safety and health are paramount to your grades. Stay mindful of the big picture and keep the momentum going.