3/24/2020 0 Comments Could your student thrive with a professional life coach? Why not a therapist or a counselor?Suffice it to say most students are not familiar with the job of a professional life coach. Sure, students know the role of therapists, counselors, and psychotherapists. Many of my clients are also receiving services and therapies from a licensed and credentialed medical provider. But professional coaching is somewhat of a mystery. Professional life coaching is a unique and dynamic field of self-development and growth. It does not involve diagnosis, treatment or any type of "fixing". It does not involve a pathology. It involves and works beautifully when coach and student form an accountability partnership. Life coaching is a co-creative process in which the coach does not need to know more than the client. We begin work where ever the client presents on any given day. If the student is having trouble making it to class or completing assignment, we trace back a few steps. We investigate. We couple in a way that the coach guides the student to discover the most effective steps to take in order to move the client forward. When I receive the free consult call from parents, one of my standard questions to parents is, "Is professional coaching something your student wants?" I also ask parents at this first point of contact, "Does your student know you are contacting me?" If the answer is "no", I explain the premise for professional stress coaching and that the student client should initiate some type of desire to grow, change, and overcome. If the answer to the two questions is "yes", I ask the parent to have their student "research" me to learn more about the process of coaching. So what exactly is professional life coaching? Why do I use the terms "professional stress coaching" and "professional stress coaching" interchangeably? Coaching for "life" encompasses every area of life that effects you on a daily basis. Since our ultimate goal in life is balance and to thrive, we should strive to nurture every area: finances, social, spiritual, physical, emotional and mental. Life coaching is a mechanism for change and growth within the area of life in which you are struggling or in which you want to enhance. Imagine feeling "stuck", "lost", and "held back" by something. You're not able to identify what is binding you. All you know is that you feel overwhelmed, anxious, stressed to the max, and unable to sleep. You know the consequences of this "dark cloud" but you can't seem to dissipate it on your own. Each day you feel some effect from the blockage. As a coach, I partner with you to figure this out. It's a lot like a scavenger hunt (with clues). You have the clues within you, and I guide you to each "treasure" by asking powerful and insightful questions. You reveal the answers to yourself as I help you reach the treasure. The coaching process can be difficult because you will be faced to acknowledge things that might be painful or that scare you. Coaching can also be fun because we never assume something is "wrong" with you. We assume you have all the answers within you but that you're unsure of how to read your own clue. A life coach can specialize in one part of life struggle. Some coaches specialize in personal development. Some are experts in health and wellness. Some are leaders in the field of ADHD or marriage. A professional stress coach, like me, is an expert on how to manage stress. A stress coach for students knows the challenges and struggles of high school students and college students and navigates them through all kinds of barriers like academic stress, procrastination, time management, social anxiety, and a looming sense of failure. Together, we do a lot of exploration in the scavenger hunt of self-awareness, self-esteem, core sense of self, values, strengths and weaknesses of executive functioning, attention to proper wellness practices, and whatever else your clues unveil. Our goal is to help you succeed...on every level, and to thrive again. More than 60 percent of college students said they had experienced “overwhelming anxiety” in the past year, according to a 2018 report from the American College Health Association. Over 40 percent said they felt so depressed they had difficulty functioning. Social, financial, emotional, physical, and academic issues all cause students to feel overwhelmed. We actively collaborate to identify goals, obstacles and problematic behaviors. We create proper steps for you overcome and achieve. Then, we design an effective stress management plan for you to feel your best. We even throw in a science lesson so that you know what your brain and body are doing as you feel scattered, unmotivated, anxious, and like you may not succeed. Now, for how the process works. We consult for thirty minutes for FREE. You ask questions and talk. I listen. YOU decide if I am a good partner for you. Do you feel comfortable? Do you trust my guidance? I encourage you to research me on a professional level - LinkedIn, www.studentsstressless.com, all social media. If you decide on stress management services, you pay, sign a working contract, answer some initial session question. We get started, remotely or local for Kansas. We decide on Skype, Zoom, Google Chatroom, Face Time or phone. I offer two initial sessions to make sure you are going to stay accountable in the process and your parents don't spend more money than you are personally investing yourself. You then are highly encouraged to sign for four more sessions. NOTE: You not find another professional coach who operates in this manner. I believe change and desired results can happen in as few as six sessions. You decide the days and times. We get started on discovering your HOW. How will you move forward? How will you achieve your goals? How will you feel better? How will you change your thoughts? How will change your habits? How will you develop more effective stress management tools? How will you succeed in school? How will you succeed in your personal life? HOW WILL YOU THRIVE. Disclaimer: I work in an ancillary fashion to medical professionals. I am not a licensed therapist. I am not a medical professional. I am not, through this article, stating one mode of client/professional work is better than the other.
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3/20/2020 0 Comments 10 Ways for College Students to Navigate Unexpected Changes This Semester and Still Succeed Through COVID-19 The world around us seems full of chaos and uncertainty right now. We have all been turned for a flip and called to make immediate changes in our lives. College students across the nation have been asked to move off campuses with little notice, putting families in major adjustment mode. So many questions. So few answers. The two main common denominators, however, are health and safety and academic success. So how can students navigate these unexpected changes and still end this semester with success? Believe - Believe your university and professors want the best for you. They are issued new guidelines and protocol that will ensure your academic success. No professor or college administrator wants a community health crisis on campus. This is their worst nightmare. Redesigning class structure has not been easy for them, especially in the time frame they were given. So one of the best things you can do as a student is to take your new online learning life seriously so you can finish strongly. Attend - Every day, show up to your computer in the same fashion that you would attend class in person. Stay on top of and ahead of assignments and projects. Plan forwards for eight more weeks. Maintain your momentum by situating yourself in front of your lap top every day. Momentum and motivation- Just because a change has occurred mid-semester does not mean you have to stop your flow. Adjust your rhythm and keep moving along in your classes. Interrupting what you had going, panicking or stressing will only set you back as you try to finish the semester with success. Incorporate inner motivation, self-discipline, and guide yourself with the will to persevere. Self- regulate - Self-regulatory skills are a set of skills you practice that help you rebound, persist, and recover. These are all skills that help you thrive in most life situations. To regulate yourself as a college student who has been asked to shift gears mentally, academically and emotionally, first, be aware of how you think about the situation. Then, adjust your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to help you adapt to your new temporary normal. Respond with grace, patience, and understanding. This was not a planned or intentional act - the spread of COVID-19. Plan- If you have never planned before as a college student and you've managed to "wing it", now is the time to execute your best planning faculties. Your days for the remainder of the semester will be designed differently because of the switch to online learning, so it is your responsibility to plan accordingly. The best mantra for this is: "work before play". Communicate - Communication skills are a must for the remainder of the school year. Most college students have taken at least one online course by the time sophomore year rolls around and know how critical it is to understand the class expectations: deadlines, dialogue and dates. The 3 Ds. In addition, pay close attention to peer communication when projects are involved. Accountability - Everyone is in "survival mode", simply trying to adjust to a national health crisis. Life as you know it has leveled up to a temporary position where you are one hundred percent responsible for your grades and completed assignments without the normal in person and in class reminders. This is a change that will require your attention every day. Stay aware. Yes, things have happened suddenly, but you can keep yourself accountable for eight more weeks. If you need a checks and balance system, ask for help, reminders and encouragement. Distractions - Changing your work environment will be stressful mainly because your rhythm was interrupted. Now you must adjust to a new space and a new set of distractions. Your daily schedule will be different as you make new accommodations. Be aware of the things in your new workspace that will distract you - siblings, new family routine, pets, noises, more devices. It is critical to your success that you keep your mental space clear of distractions. Incorporate structure now. Time Management - This is perhaps the most important skill to put into practice as you shift your learning modality to online classes. If you are someone who relies on the structure of going to class and learn best audibly, you will be challenged. Pay attention to every minute of your day so your work gets completed on time. Plan and accept that this is one component you have control of - how you most effectively use your time. Use a visible calendar, sticky notes, alarms, and white boards as reminders. Mindful completion - Even with chaos around you, you have control of your situation and one goal: to complete the semester. Your circle of influence, the things in life that you can control, will help guide you out of undue stress. Acknowledge what you have control over and what you don't have control over, and be mindful of the importance of your health, safety, and success. Stay mindfully aware of the reason you are in college in the first place, knowing that all things work out when you are flexible, forgiving, and determined. You will complete this semester with ease when you keep the big picture in mind. As humans you are designed to respond to threats and COVID-19 is the current immediate threat. You can fight it or flight it. As a busy college student who wants nothing more than to see this thing through, how you perceive and react to this threat will determine your level of stress and your degree of success (an A or a D; a complete or an incomplete). The worse step you could take at this point in time is to panic and start thinking negative, self-sabotaging thoughts. This would be a counterproductive response and would interfere with any momentum you had going prior to the sudden shift. At the end of the day, your safety and health are paramount to your grades. Stay mindful of the big picture and keep the momentum going. 3/20/2020 0 Comments 10 Ways for College Students to Navigate Unexpected Changes This Semester and Still Succeed Through COVID-1910 Ways for College Students to Navigate Unexpected Changes This Semester and Still Succeed Through COVID-19
The world around us seems full of chaos and uncertainty right now. We have all been turned for a flip and called to make immediate changes in our lives. College students across the nation have been asked to move off campuses with little notice, putting families in major adjustment mode. So many questions. So few answers. The two main common denominators, however, are health and safety and academic success. So how can students navigate these unexpected changes and still end this semester with success? Believe - Believe your university and professors want the best for you. They are issued new guidelines and protocol that will ensure your academic success. No professor or college administrator wants a community health crisis on campus. This is their worst nightmare. Redesigning class structure has not been easy for them, especially in the time frame they were given. So one of the best things you can do as a student is to take your new online learning life seriously so you can finish strongly. Attend - Every day, show up to your computer in the same fashion that you would attend class in person. Stay on top of and ahead of assignments and projects. Plan forwards for eight more weeks. Maintain your momentum by situating yourself in front of your lap top every day. Momentum and motivation- Just because a change has occurred mid-semester does not mean you have to stop your flow. Adjust your rhythm and keep moving along in your classes. Interrupting what you had going, panicking or stressing will only set you back as you try to finish the semester with success. Incorporate inner motivation, self-discipline, and guide yourself with the will to persevere. Self- regulate - Self-regulatory skills are a set of skills you practice that help you rebound, persist, and recover. These are all skills that help you thrive in most life situations. To regulate yourself as a college student who has been asked to shift gears mentally, academically and emotionally, first, be aware of how you think about the situation. Then, adjust your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to help you adapt to your new temporary normal. Respond with grace, patience, and understanding. This was not a planned or intentional act - the spread of COVID-19. Plan- If you have never planned before as a college student and you've managed to "wing it", now is the time to execute your best planning faculties. Your days for the remainder of the semester will be designed differently because of the switch to online learning, so it is your responsibility to plan accordingly. The best mantra for this is: "work before play". Communicate - Communication skills are a must for the remainder of the school year. Most college students have taken at least one online course by the time sophomore year rolls around and know how critical it is to understand the class expectations: deadlines, dialogue and dates. The 3 Ds. In addition, pay close attention to peer communication when projects are involved. Accountability - Everyone is in "survival mode", simply trying to adjust to a national health crisis. Life as you know it has leveled up to a temporary position where you are one hundred percent responsible for your grades and completed assignments without the normal in person and in class reminders. This is a change that will require your attention every day. Stay aware. Yes, things have happened suddenly, but you can keep yourself accountable for eight more weeks. If you need a checks and balance system, ask for help, reminders and encouragement. Distractions - Changing your work environment will be stressful mainly because your rhythm was interrupted. Now you must adjust to a new space and a new set of distractions. Your daily schedule will be different as you make new accommodations. Be aware of the things in your new workspace that will distract you - siblings, new family routine, pets, noises, more devices. It is critical to your success that you keep your mental space clear of distractions. Incorporate structure now. Time Management - This is perhaps the most important skill to put into practice as you shift your learning modality to online classes. If you are someone who relies on the structure of going to class and learn best audibly, you will be challenged. Pay attention to every minute of your day so your work gets completed on time. Plan and accept that this is one component you have control of - how you most effectively use your time. Use a visible calendar, sticky notes, alarms, and white boards as reminders. Mindful completion - Even with chaos around you, you have control of your situation and one goal: to complete the semester. Your circle of influence, the things in life that you can control, will help guide you out of undue stress. Acknowledge what you have control over and what you don't have control over, and be mindful of the importance of your health, safety, and success. Stay mindfully aware of the reason you are in college in the first place, knowing that all things work out when you are flexible, forgiving, and determined. You will complete this semester with ease when you keep the big picture in mind. As humans you are designed to respond to threats and COVID-19 is the current immediate threat. You can fight it or flight it. As a busy college student who wants nothing more than to see this thing through, how you perceive and react to this threat will determine your level of stress and your degree of success (an A or a D; a complete or an incomplete). The worse step you could take at this point in time is to panic and start thinking negative, self-sabotaging thoughts. This would be a counterproductive response and would interfere with any momentum you had going prior to the sudden shift. At the end of the day, your safety and health are paramount to your grades. Stay mindful of the big picture and keep the momentum going. Lori Bender, MSW, CTP, CMHFA, CMT
Professional Stress Coach Founder of Students Stress Less Coaching, LLC As human beings we react to crises with emotions at times. The explanation is quite clear when we understand what is occurring in our brains and bodies as we feel like the world closing in on us. It is not a mistake when we respond to crises with meltdowns, high anxiety, stress, arguments, and blame. Our brains and bodies are designed to respond to threats we perceive from the world around us. The Science Behind the Flip Outs Our reactions and responses begin with our senses, yes, the ones you learned about in elementary school. It is this simple elementary science lesson that lays the foundation for most of my stress management coaching. Our five senses take in information from our environment and when any of the five (except nose for some reason) perceive something as a threat (Think: COVID-19), our brain is signaled. It starts dispersing information about the threat the part of the brain that is involved in thinking, reasoning, and emotion regulation – our cortex. Now normally, when we perceive something as threatening (another example: jump out of the way of an oncoming car), in order to live, we respond with reason and logic (JUMP!). Our cortex is responsible for helping us reason and use logic and rationale. Sometimes, however, the threats bypass this thinking center of the brain (cortex) and head to the emotional part of the brain (amygdala). This little bugger works hard and fast to keep us safe. It can even kidnap and deactivate our thinking and make us “unthink”. All conscious control of think responses leaves. Because the amygdala is home of our fears and keeps a record of how we have responded to fear in the past, our fear responses can be triggered and activated. When our fear response if somehow triggered, the amygdala does what it does best – protects us! More on the Amygdala Because if you experience anxiety on the regular you will want to know about this almond shaped brain part The amygdala is old as dirt, but it loves us and wants to protect us with everything is has. In fact, it is so protective of us that when it receives threatening signals, it creates this amazing hormonal wall (adrenaline: epinephrine, norepinephrine) that impedes the penetration of logic and reason. Notably, this is when we might hear someone say, “I just can’t think straight.” There is a scientific reason why! Physical sensations of this hormonal flood may include shortness of breath, rapid heart rate, heavy chest and sweating. It’s what our bodies need to do at this time of threat to keep us alive. These symptoms prepare us for that fight or flight. There are also cognitive responses to the stress and crises that we may not necessarily feel but others may notice: loss of reason, loss of critical thinking, loss of logic, irrational behaviors, quick decisions, slip of the tongue, BLAME, fear, immediate gratification decisions, and cognitive “shut down”. Why it this? Less Activity in the Thinking Brain Well, when there is less activity in the prefrontal cortex of the brain, the part of the brain that monitors emotional urges, raw emotion wins! Don’t forget, logic, intuition, memory, planning, and thinking all reside in the cortex and if it is disabled, our responses are more barbaric in nature - not well-planned or thought out; not imaginative; not creative; not reasonable. Crises like COVID-19 or other major illness, multiple deaths, a car wreck, a divorce or a lay-off are threats to humans. When our eyes, ears, fingers, and tongues sense events, situations, thoughts, words or experiences as threatening, we seek safety, protection, reassurance, certainty, and we want answers - the sooner the better. Our amygdala becomes both our “sin and our saint.” We seek comfort without thinking what we say, without thinking through situations, without waiting, without caring how we hurt others, without compassion, without kindness, without clarity, and without care for future impact. We act on emotion. Our basic survival tendencies are kicking in. In times of crises or repeated anxiety, before we blame, accuse, fear, isolate, act out, or do anything illogical to find the answers we are seeking, we need to visualize this science behind our urges. If you’re really interested beyond this simple explanation, here are some articles: https://www.unlearninganxiety.com/amygdala https://www.healthcentral.com/article/pathways-to-anxiety-the-amygdala http://beforeyoutakethatpill.com/blog/2014/10/27/stress-hormones-and-the-fear-response-in-survival/ Fun Fact: Over time, the human cortex undergoes a process of corticalization, or wrinkling of the cortex. This process is due to the vast knowledge that the human brain accumulates over time. Therefore, the more wrinkled your brain, the smarter and more intelligent you are! https://brainmadesimple.com/cerebral-cortex-and-lobes-of-the-brain/ 3/15/2020 0 Comments 10 Ways for College Students to Navigate Unexpected Changes This Semester and Still Succeed Through COVID-19The world around us seems full of chaos and uncertainty right now. We have all been turned for a flip and called to make immediate changes in our lives. College students across the nation have been asked to move off campuses with little notice, putting families in major adjustment mode. So many questions. So few answers. The two main common denominators, however, are health and safety and academic success.
So how can students navigate these unexpected changes and still end this semester with success? Believe - Believe your university and professors want the best for you. They are issued new guidelines and protocol that will ensure your academic success. No professor or college administrator wants a community health crisis on campus. This is their worst nightmare. Redesigning class structure has not been easy for them, especially in the time frame they were given. So one of the best things you can do as a student is to take your new online learning life seriously so you can finish strongly. Attend - Every day, show up to your computer in the same fashion that you would attend class in person. Stay on top of and ahead of assignments and projects. Plan forwards for eight more weeks. Maintain your momentum by situating yourself in front of your lap top every day. Momentum and motivation- Just because a change has occurred mid-semester does not mean you have to stop your flow. Adjust your rhythm and keep moving along in your classes. Interrupting what you had going, panicking or stressing will only set you back as you try to finish the semester with success. Incorporate inner motivation, self-discipline, and guide yourself with the will to persevere. Self- regulate - Self-regulatory skills are a set of skills you practice that help you rebound, persist, and recover. These are all skills that help you thrive in most life situations. To regulate yourself as a college student who has been asked to shift gears mentally, academically and emotionally, first, be aware of how you think about the situation. Then, adjust your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to help you adapt to your new temporary normal. Respond with grace, patience, and understanding. This was not a planned or intentional act - the spread of COVID-19. Plan- If you have never planned before as a college student and you've managed to "wing it", now is the time to execute your best planning faculties. Your days for the remainder of the semester will be designed differently because of the switch to online learning, so it is your responsibility to plan accordingly. The best mantra for this is : "work before play". Communicate - Communication skills are a must for the remainder of the school year. Most college students have taken at least one online course by the time sophomore year rolls around and know how critical it is to understand the class expectations: deadlines, dialogue and dates. The 3 Ds. In addition, pay close attention to peer communication when projects are involved. Accountability - Everyone is in "survival mode", simply trying to adjust to a national health crisis. Life as you know it has leveled up to a temporary position where you are one hundred percent responsible for your grades and completed assignments without the normal in person and in class reminders. This is a change that will require your attention every day. Stay aware. Yes, things have happened suddenly, but you can keep yourself accountable for eight more weeks. If you need a checks and balance system, ask for help, reminders and encouragement. Distractions - Changing your work environment will be stressful mainly because your rhythm was interrupted. Now you have to adjust to a new space and a new set of distractions. Your daily schedule will be different as you make new accommodations. Be aware of the things in your new work space that will distract you - siblings, new family routine, pets, noises, more devices. It is critical to your success that you keep your mental space clear of distractions. Incorporate structure now. Time Management - This is perhaps the most important skill to put into practice as you shift your learning modality to online classes. If you are someone who relies on the structure of going to class and learn best audibly, you will be challenged. Pay attention to every minute of your day so your work gets completed on time. Plan ahead and accept that this is one component you have control of - how you most effectively use your time. Use a visible calendar, sticky notes, alarms, and white boards as reminders. Mindful completion - Even with chaos around you, you have control of your situation and one goal: to complete the semester. Your circle of influence, the things in life that you can control, will help guide you out of undue stress. Acknowledge what you have control over and what you don't have control over, and be mindful of the importance of your health, safety, and success. Stay mindfully aware of the reason you are in college in the first place, knowing that all things work out when you are flexible, forgiving, and determined. You will complete this semester with ease when you keep the big picture in mind. As humans you are designed to respond to threats and COVID-19 is the current immediate threat. You can fight it or flight it. As a busy college student who wants nothing more than to see this thing through, how you perceive and react to this threat will determine your level of stress and your degree of success (an A or a D; a complete or an incomplete). The worse step you college student could take at this point in time is to panic and start thinking negative, self-sabotaging thoughts. This would be a counterproductive response and would interfere with any momentum you had going prior to the sudden shift. At the end of the day, your safety and health are paramount to your grades. Stay mindful of the big picture and keep the momentum going. Getting focused on anything needs to start with simple. Want to be organized and focused when you return to campus? Try putting into place these five simple practices:
1. Clean and organize your space. Your dorm room, your apartment, your suite. Maybe re-arrange some things to make more room or allow for more sunlight. 2. Establish a healthy and productive schedule right off the bat and stick to it. Create your schedule around your class times. Include study times, sleep, eating, exercising, socializing, and anything else that is important for creating a healthy balance on campus. 3. Write out and display your semester goals. If the includes something like join a club, start a study group, get a 3.5 - write those out and post them where you will see them multiple times a day. Sticky notes and dry erase boards are good for this. If you're feeling extra, make a vision board. 4. Minimize your distractions and create a new habit of freeing up "space". Start noticing how much unproductive time you have watching Netflix, scrolling social media and watching You Tube videos. Make a conscious effort to minimize this somewhat wasted time. 5. Take care of administrative things as soon as you return to campus. Be aware of deadlines. Make good use of campus schedules. Signups. Returns. Registering. All of things that will be need attended to at some point in the semester. These are easy things to do to assure a stress-free semester. Staying ahead, being proactive, and creating new habits of productivity will only help you in late April, early May. It is exam time and the stress of preparing for finals is pervasive among college students. Many students across the country who were expecting a fall break of sorts found themselves finishing projects, studying for finals, and figuring out how to improve class grades. Their brains did not get a break.
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